2.9 Bjork versus Melanie C

It recently came up to compare Bjork with Melanie C (aka Sporty Spice, of Spice Girls fame). I was shocked and offended by the comparison—as if there could be any competition. I mean, that I Turn To You song had its charm, but fer chrissakes! How could there be any competition? Could there be? Well, let’s think about this:

Bjork was in punk bands and moshing when she was 12. You know she would totally fight dirty.

She’s a black belt in karate (no kidding, my girlfriend reminded me of this while writing, and don’t ask why I would have ever known). Don’t you remember when it was all over the news that she punched out that reporter? I mean Melanie C is all show, with her little stage kicks. She’d be all like, oy!—Bjor-r-rk—If that r-r-really is your-r-r name—you wanna r-r-r-umble? And Bjork would be like, no, please leave me alone, oh, and lear-r-n to sing, by ze way, and Melanie C would be like, ha-ka!—and throw one of those silly un-coordinated kicks of hers at Bjork and Bjork would be like Aaaack! Dat hur-r-r-t! And then she would be all like, Oy—hey!—Melanie!—Look at dat amazingly cute little kitten behind you, and Melanie would totally fall for it and turn around and Bjork would hit her over the head with a chair.

A really cute Icelandic chair with a style all its own.

Based on an email to Steve Clarian